How to Feel Like Yourself Again
(The Easy Way, At Least for Me)
I have some friends who have been told by doctors they have really bad clinical depression. Sometimes they tell me how it feels to have a mental health problem.
I try to be a good listener, not say anything judgmental, and just be quiet most of the time.
I once learned a little bit about basic psychology and mental health when I was with someone I liked in college. She was studying to be a doctor.
This person I liked — we were friends since high school — had a hard time with some classes about psychology. So, I tried to understand the books in English first and then explain it to them in a simple way. Sometimes we’d talk in the park at the university, where the science and medical buildings were close to each other. That’s why I know a little bit about this stuff, but not a lot.
Also, listening to my friends who have really bad depression helped me understand even more, straight from what they feel.
Here’s a simple way to understand how to try and feel better about yourself! I hope you find something helpful at the end. If you do, please thank my friends who shared their feelings and how they’ve been coping. And I hope you can also get back on your feet and keep going, just like them.
What We Should Know About Feeling Really Down (Depression)
Anyone can feel a little bit sad sometimes, or really, really sad (that’s called depression). What’s different is that some people are more likely to get it than others. This depends on the way they were born (their genes) and the things that happen around them.
I’m not going to explain the things that happen around you right now. Maybe I can write about that in another article. For now, let’s just focus on what happens in your body when you’re depressed.
In science, we know that really bad sadness happens because of some chemicals in your brain being out of balance. These chemicals are called neurotransmitters. Think of them like tiny “messengers” that carry information in your brain and nerves.
They take messages from one brain cell to another, or to other parts of your body. For example, when you want to move your hand, a neurotransmitter sends a message from your brain to the muscles in your hand to make it move.
There are many different kinds of neurotransmitters, and each one has its own job. Some help you feel emotions, some help you sleep, and some help you remember things. You might have heard of some of them, like dopamine, serotonin, norepinephrine, and adrenaline.
When you have really bad sadness (depression), these neurotransmitters get out of balance. This changes how your brain understands things. Because of this, bad thoughts just pop up and it’s hard to stop thinking them.
But what actually goes on in your brain when you’re depressed? Why do only bad thoughts come to mind? Why does it feel like there’s no way to solve your problems? Why do some people even hear voices?
When someone is really sad (depressed), the front part of their brain that helps them make good decisions and think clearly doesn’t work as well as it should.
At the same time, another part of the brain called the amygdala, which deals with bad feelings like fear and worry, becomes too active and kind of takes over. This makes it hard for the person to see good things or find solutions to their problems. They tend to focus only on the negative, sad stuff.
Also, their body might not have enough of a chemical called serotonin. Serotonin helps control your mood and can make you feel calm and happy. It also helps you sleep well, feel the right amount of hunger, and helps you remember things and learn.
When serotonin isn’t working right — like when someone is depressed — they can feel really hopeless and even think about wanting to end their life.
Feeling really down can also happen because there’s not enough of another chemical called dopamine in the body. Dopamine makes you feel good when you do things you enjoy, like eating good food, listening to music, or reaching a goal you set for yourself.
When you have the right amount of dopamine, you feel like doing things and you can focus. But if you don’t have enough, you might feel like you have no energy, you can’t concentrate, or you might even have problems like Parkinson’s disease.
The main point is that when these brain chemicals (neurotransmitters) are out of balance — maybe you don’t have enough serotonin or you have too much or too little dopamine — it makes you feel like nothing can make you happy or feel better. This often makes people have bad thoughts and can even lead to doing bad things.
Besides these brain chemical problems, studies that look at the brain show that people with depression often have one part of their brain, the amygdala, working too much. This is the part that controls emotions, especially fear and worry. When it works too much, it can make feelings of worry and hopelessness even stronger, and it can make problems seem much bigger than they really are.
There’s also a problem with another part of the brain called the prefrontal cortex. This part is responsible for making decisions, planning things, and controlling your urges to do things.
When the prefrontal cortex isn’t working as well, it can be hard to think logically and understand the long-term effects of your actions in a reasonable way.
The connection between the prefrontal cortex (the logical part) and the limbic system (the emotional part) also gets messed up. This makes it hard to control bad feelings, and thoughts you can’t stop (like thinking you’re worthless) are harder to ignore.
The most dangerous thing is that if you’re depressed for a long time, it can make your brain less able to change and make new connections. This is called neuroplasticity. You might feel really “stuck” in a deep way of thinking negatively and find it hard to see things from other people’s points of view — even from people who are really close to you and care about you.
Also, when you’re depressed, your body releases a lot of stress hormones, like cortisol. Too much cortisol not only hurts the connections between the cells in your brain but also makes those negative thoughts and the way you see things, which were already dark, even worse. It creates a bad cycle.
This is why when someone is depressed, even if you give them really good advice or solutions, they might not be able to take it in. It doesn’t mean they are not smart or that they are stubborn. It’s because their brain and body aren’t working the way they should be. So, their thoughts and how they react won’t be the way they normally are.
The best thing that people who care (like friends and family) can do is just be there for them and give them support and understanding. They should also gently encourage them to go see a professional, like a psychiatrist or a therapist. Try to avoid saying things that could be misunderstood, even if you mean well.
Basically, all those strange thoughts that people have when they’re really down — thoughts that could lead them to hurt themselves — come from problems in their body. Your mind and body are connected. Certain thoughts come from the activity of those brain chemicals (neurotransmitters). So, it makes sense that these problems can be helped by getting those chemicals back to a normal level with medical help.
Feeling really down (depression) is a sickness, just like any other sickness. It’s wrong to think that mental illnesses like depression aren’t real physical problems.
People can get better. There’s a lot of proof of that. The first step is to get those brain chemicals working normally again with medicine and therapy. The next steps — and maybe these are things you need to do for a long time — are to keep yourself in a good place by doing healthy things, changing your mindset (maybe with help from things like thinking more logically or trying meditation), eating healthy foods, getting enough sleep, exercising regularly, meditating, and things like that.
Small Things You Can Try to Do
Dealing with really bad sadness (depression) isn’t easy. I’ve seen how my friends who used to be cheerful changed and seemed like they had no energy for life.
That big change was very obvious to me because the things they used to do were so different.
Sometimes even just getting out of bed felt like a huge accomplishment for them. They also had to constantly tell themselves that they wanted to live, just for one more day.
But, there are some small things you can try that might help make your mind feel a little lighter and help you keep going. I’ve put together a list based on what my friends have told me and what I’ve seen myself.
Maybe this can give some ideas to people who are feeling really down, to those who are trying to get better, or even give more information to the people who care about them and are trying to help them feel like they want to keep living.
1. Do Some Light Exercise: Even If It’s Just for 5 Minutes
When you’re feeling really down, doing hard exercise might seem impossible. Try starting with a 5-minute walk around your home, a light jog for a short distance, or follow some easy yoga exercises on YouTube. As your body gets used to it, you can slowly add more time.
2. Write in a Journal: Get Your Worries Out
There are no strict rules for this — just write down anything that comes to your mind, including how you’re feeling, bad dreams you had, or even small things you felt thankful for. If it’s hard to start writing, try using a simple structure like this:
- Today I felt…
- Something I’m thankful for today is…
- One small thing I want to try to do tomorrow is…
3. Take Care of Your Body: Small Things That Mean a Lot
Little things like washing your face, brushing your teeth, or changing into clean clothes can give you a surprising feeling of relief. If you’re feeling really tired, just pick one body care thing that’s easiest for you to do. It could be as simple as splashing cold water on your face or putting on your favorite moisturizer.
For guys, maybe try using sunscreen, body spray, shampoo that helps with hair loss, a new-smelling cologne, a mask to clean your pores, or some eye cream. The more we take care of our bodies, the more we realize we should appreciate ourselves.
4. Listen to Music That Makes You Feel Calm
Music has a big effect on how you feel. Make a playlist of songs that calm you down or songs that have positive lyrics. If you want something a little more intense, try singing along to your favorite music. Sometimes letting your voice out can help you feel less tense. Free karaoke apps aren’t too bad, just be mindful of who’s around you.
5. Do Some Gardening: Connect with Nature and Feel Peaceful
Taking care of plants can give you a small but meaningful feeling of responsibility. Try starting with plants that are easy to take care of, like cacti or chili plants. Watering your plants every morning and seeing new leaves grow can give you a nice feeling of accomplishment. Your mind will also be occupied with looking up how to take care of each specific plant.
6. Make Something Creative: Let Your Feelings Flow Through Art
Grab some paper and just draw or doodle whatever you feel. You could also try coloring in adult coloring books, which are easy to find in bookstores these days. This kind of activity helps your mind focus on what you’re doing. The hope is that you’ll get back to being able to focus and not get distracted easily.
7. Organize a Small Space: Just Clean One Corner
Try starting with a small corner, for example, tidying up your work desk or cleaning out just one drawer. Seeing one small part of your room clean and organized can give you a significant feeling of relief.
8. Practice Deep Breathing: Breathe In, Let Go of the Stress
Simple breathing exercises can help calm down a mind that’s feeling restless. Try the 4–7–8 technique:
- Breathe in through your nose for 4 seconds.
- Hold your breath for 7 seconds.
- Slowly breathe out through your mouth for 8 seconds. 1 Do this a few times until you start to feel calmer.
9. Reach Out to Friends or Family Who Support You
When you’re feeling really down, you might really want to stay away from other people. But, try sending a quick text message to a friend or family member you trust. You don’t need to have a long conversation — sometimes just hearing the voice of someone you care about can help you feel like your life has meaning again.
10. Give Yourself Some Credit
Every small step you manage to do is something to be proud of. Give yourself praise even if it’s just for managing to get out of bed or for consistently walking for 20 minutes every day for a whole week. Say to yourself, “No one knows what the future will bring, but at least I’ve made it this far.”
Feeling really down might not disappear quickly, but by doing these small things regularly, you’re fighting to get better. Remember that every little step is important.
There are probably many other things you could do that would be even better for you personally.
Change happens when you make a move, whether it’s with your body or your mind. Staying still, both in your body and your thoughts, is definitely the wrong way to start making things better.
In Conclusion
Someone who has really bad sadness (depression) will have big changes in how they think and feel. It becomes hard to focus. Their ears might become more sensitive, and they might even hear imagined sounds in their own head. Their mood can go up and down a lot. They might feel hopeless, have no energy, and even think about wanting to end their life. They constantly feel mentally tired. Things they used to enjoy doing might suddenly feel like they have no interest in them anymore.
In some cases of depression, there can also be physical effects. They might have trouble breathing, their heart might beat fast, they might get headaches and stomach aches, and they might sweat a lot.
It’s important to remember that depression is an illness. Like any illness, it causes a certain kind of pain. And just like other illnesses, it can be treated.
When you, or a friend, or a family member feels like they are having thoughts about wanting to stop breathing, not wanting to live anymore, or wanting to die sooner, please go see a mental health doctor. If you just feel mentally tired, then go talk to a therapist. Or, if you feel like you’re worthless or that you shouldn’t even exist, first try to tell yourself that you can still get better, whether by finding your own way or by trying some of the good things mentioned in this article.
Yogyakarta, February 3, 2025
