The Difficulty of Change for Some People
(Muh. Syahrul Padli — Reflection Series)
I used to think that everyone could change, at least in some way. At the very least, people could change in basic or small ways that would improve their lives.
However, I have come to realize that this is not always the case. Some people have reached a certain point in their development where they are no longer able or willing to change.
This may be due to a number of factors, such as limited cognitive ability, laziness, or simply a lack of awareness of the need for change.
As a young adult who has spent time living in cities, I have noticed a significant difference in the way people in my hometown, a small village in Makassar, Indonesia, behave.
Many of the older people in my family, including my grandmother and her siblings, seem to be resistant to change, even in the simplest of ways.
For example, they often leave doors open, don’t close thermoses tightly, leave machetes lying around, don’t knock on the bathroom door before entering, enter other people’s rooms without permission, lend money to people who have a history of not paying it back, and are too trusting of strangers.
I can tolerate most of these habits, but there is one that I find particularly annoying: complaining in front of others about things that go wrong.
In Makassar culture, it is common for people to complain loudly about their problems. This is seen as a way of expressing their frustration with the reality.
However, for me, this habit can be interpreted in a negative way. I am used to speake in a more polite manner, and I am sensitive to the tone and volume of people’s voices.
I can be affected by complaints that are not even directed at me. I may feel bad or offended, especially if I am under stress or under pressure from work.
I have tried to talk to my grandmother about this issue. I have asked her to please avoid complaining when I am around, especially during mealtimes.
I have also tried to change my eating schedule to avoid her complaints, but she has always ended up adjusting her schedule to match mine.
Despite my efforts, she has not changed her behavior.
In desperation, I have decided to take a more drastic approach. I now bring a Bluetooth speaker with me when my grandmother start doing his bad gabit of camplaining.
When she starts to complain, I turn on the speaker and play music or a podcast. I hope that this will get her attention and make her realize that her complaints are bothering me.
I don’t mind being labeled as a rude grandchild. After all, only I know what I have been through.
It is clear that it is difficult to expect older people to change. Most of them have reached a certain point in their development where they are no longer capable of learning new information or adopting new behaviors.
This may be due to a number of factors, such as limited cognitive ability, a lack of understanding of the need for change, or simply a reluctance to let go of the status quo.
In my case, I believe that both my grandmother and I are to blame for the lack of change in our relationship. I am too inflexible in my expectations, and she is too resistant to change.
In the end, it is up to each individual to decide whether or not they are willing to change.
